What is Narcissism
—And How To Navigate It Without Losing Your Voice
Narcissism has become a convenient label in leadership conversations. A difficult boss is suddenly a narcissist. A strong personality becomes toxic. But as therapist Christopher O’Reilly explained in our recent podcast episode, narcissism exists on a spectrum—and understanding that spectrum matters deeply for leaders who want healthy, high-performing teams.
What is Narcissism?
At its core, narcissism isn’t just confidence or ambition. It’s a breakdown in relational awareness. Leaders with narcissistic tendencies struggle to engage in mutual, give-and-take relationships. Decisions flow one direction. Feedback feels threatening. Collaboration becomes performative rather than real.
Many of these patterns have roots in trauma. Leaders who grew up in chaotic or unsafe environments often learned that control equals safety. Over time, this coping strategy can harden into a leadership style where trust is scarce and vulnerability is avoided. The leader believes they must have all the answers—or risk being exposed.
The cost of this approach is enormous.
What Happens When Leaders Don’t Invite Feedback?
When leaders don’t invite honest feedback, teams adapt by going silent. Meetings become theater. Agreement replaces engagement. People stop offering ideas not because they lack them, but because experience has taught them it’s unsafe to speak.
Ironically, leaders often misread this silence as alignment.
The Turning Point
This is where self-awareness becomes the turning point. Self-aware leaders understand a hard truth: we do not see ourselves accurately. The higher you rise in an organization, the less feedback you naturally receive. Positional authority filters honesty long before it reaches your office.
Healthy leaders actively disrupt this dynamic. They ask uncomfortable questions:
How honest can you be with me—really?
What do you experience when I lead under pressure?
Where do my words and actions feel misaligned?
These conversations don’t weaken leadership—they strengthen it. They replace fear with clarity. They transform control into collaboration.
Reclaiming Clarity and Collaboration
For employees working under narcissistic leadership, the challenge is different but no less important. Survival mode is common. People nod along, suppress their voice, and slowly lose their sense of agency. Over time, this erodes confidence and motivation.
Reclaiming agency starts small. It begins with clarity instead of accusation. Phrases like, “I’m confused about expectations” or “Here’s how this lands for me” invite dialogue without escalating defensiveness. Timing matters. Preparation matters. Support—through coaching or trusted counsel—matters.
Not every leader will change. And leaving may sometimes be the healthiest option. But silence is rarely neutral. It always shapes culture.
Healthy Systems
Ultimately, narcissism in leadership isn’t just a personality issue—it’s a systems issue. Cultures that reward control over curiosity will continue to produce disengagement. Cultures that normalize feedback, vulnerability, and shared power create leaders who don’t need blinders to succeed.
The strongest leaders aren’t those who dominate the room. They’re the ones who know what happens after they leave it.
The Real Question for Leaders
The question isn’t whether you’re good enough to lead.
The question is:
Do people feel safe telling me the truth—or have they learned it’s easier to stay quiet?
Am I confusing agreement with alignment, or silence with trust?
Where might my need for control be limiting the growth of my team?
What do people say about my leadership after I leave the room?
Am I more invested in being right—or in being effective?
The answers to these questions won’t come from strategy sessions or performance dashboards, but from the courage to listen, reflect, and lead with awareness—because the strongest leadership doesn’t demand loyalty, it earns it.
Let’s Talk.
If you’re ready to harness the power of feedback and lead with clarity and collaboration rather than fear and control…
Schedule a conversation →
#AuthenticLeadership #LeadershipDevelopment #TalentDevelopment #ViveroLeadership #OwnYourGreatness #NoMoreCarbonCopies